just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
