bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
