By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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