I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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