my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
