so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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