My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
