alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
