Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
