I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize