I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Randomize
