She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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