Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This is classic penis vs brain.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
