Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Four minutes until I can fart!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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