i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize