Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
