I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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