Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
