It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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