She tied me up with her honor cords...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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