zippers are such a cool invention
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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