If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize