rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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