$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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