either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
