I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
