I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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