perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
