i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
