I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
