THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
why do cheetos always look like penises
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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