whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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