She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
