i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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