So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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