are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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