Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize