with your own penis?
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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