here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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