just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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