Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
