so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
