Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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