i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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