Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
