look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
