left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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