I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
babies were throwing up all over the place
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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