My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Damn victory sex feels great
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
