You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
