Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
