did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize