When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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