it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
