I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
