Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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