Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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