I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Randomize