Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i just had sex bonerless
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
