I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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