there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
