you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
