she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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