I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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