Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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