Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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