Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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