We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
