I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
My life is pants optional.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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