It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
