i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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