Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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