It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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