Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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