for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
