its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I came so hard my ears popped.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
