chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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