Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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