It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
