Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
My pussy is not your playground.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You pole danced in your parka.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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