1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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