He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
