I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
