I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
