She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
