I feel great
I just peed on a car
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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