Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
