And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
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