This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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