the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
