No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
