I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
