"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
