The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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