Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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