What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
