u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
