New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
