she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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