i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
